I’m Not Fine
Pull me a little closer,
Like I’m a child with a nightmare and I need someone to hold me and comfort me.
Because I do.
I have a nightmare everyday that doesn’t sleep.
I admit, I’m not fine.
I hurt with pain that only communicates with a scream,
I’m holding on to faith with one little string.
The reminder of my past is hurting like growing pains,
and when I think it’s sunny,
when I think it’s okay,
it only rains.
Pull me a little closer to your chest to where I fall asleep to the beat of your heart,
because I admit, I’m not fine.
And sometimes it feels as if we are all lined up to you and I’m at the end of the line.
I admit, I’m not fine.
I want to know your heart
The heart that beats off love,
But where’s the love at?
Here I am drenched in sorrow and pain,
With raging anger running through my veins,
With a constant hovering cloud that only rains,
I’m here having to drag all these chains,
And then I forget,
I forget about your blood stains,
I forget about the nails that met wood through your hands and feet and they were dull,
I forget about the thorns on your head that made a home in your skull,
I forget that you carried it all on the cross
And yet, that love-you embrace me and sing to me,
“This is only a season. That heart of yours, I will mend. I am staying right here until the end.”
So I’ll admit, I’m not fine,
But I am yours, and you, you are mine.
Maybe this is where you are at in life. It is okay, you don’t have to be fine all the time. Being a Christian doesn’t mean you live a perfect life. But being a Christian and having that relationship with God means you always have someone to have beside you and someone to hold your hand the whole time. (See this is what I would tell you before I knew what I was capable of! Please continue reading!)
Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you. -Luke 10:19
Now I want to correct something about this poem and that little paragraph I wrote under it. I have learned something that could open your eyes like it did to me. Being a Christian doesn’t mean life will be perfect but it means someone that is the most powerful and has the most authority has given you an authority to be fine. What am I trying to say? When life puts you in a place of pain and sorrow, you have the authority to not accept it. Command it out and tell it to flee. Depression and pain is not of God, therefore it is Satan trying to take you down.
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. -James 4:7
How to become Fine
You were born to be in joy and happiness, so when Satan tries to take away your joy, command him out! When life starts throwing you around, command it to stop! Don’t accept it. When you start getting thoughts of the past, command those thoughts to be gone! Instead, listen to worship music, pray, read The Word. Satan can’t come against the word. You have the authority to shut Satan up and not accept what he is trying to do. Live in joy and happiness, and accept what the Lord has for you, not Satan. Time to get out of the hole Satan is trying to put us in! Live in joy and don’t accept being ‘not fine’.
10 Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” -Nehemiah 8:10